I felt a warm rush of pleasure when I opened my email this morning and discovered a message from a client titled: "Success! I'm an artist!"

My client, Dr Ellen Penno of Western Laser Eye in Canada (she has given me permission to use her name), wrote:

The first of my applications to various shows/sales was accepted - 3 of my glass pieces will be exhibited with other "fine crafts" from March 2- March 30 in the Saskatoon Mendel Art Museum (Sasketchewan) as part of the Her-icane Women's Art Festival. That's a nice bit of validation for me!

Thanks to you for helping me jump off that cliff -  Ellen

What is so remarkable about this email is that a little over a year ago, when Ellen and I started working together, one of her written goals was the cryptic "Decide on a future part-time career". What she confessed to me was that she loved to sculpt, and that while she enjoyed her career as a successful ophthalmologist in Canada, she longed to express herself more creatively.

Her hesitation in pursuing a career as an artist was that she didn't feel she could accept "artist" as part of her identity - she was too closely tied to the identity of being a doctor, with all its attendant encumbrances.

Each of us is blessed at birth with an Essential Self (to use Martha Beck's terminology from her marvelous book Finding Your Own North Star). The Essential Self is that innate, intuitive and "uncontaminated" part of ourselves that has its own wisdom about our true needs, wishes and desires. Look at a 16 month old in action and you will see the Essential Self in all its glory.

However, family, society, and culture intervene, to mold each of us to "fit in" with their expectations of us, and to help us adapt, and avoid shame and embarrassment. Thus the Social Self is born! Which is a good thing in moderation, as the Social Self's job is to help us navigate an acceptable path through society. It is responsible for insuring that we develop and use our Emotional Intelligence to manage ourselves effectively and build successful relationships.

Much of the rest of our lives is spent under the rule of our Social Selves .... which is a problem when the gap between our social and essential selves is wide, and our social selves are, in effect, split off from our essential selves.

Let me put this in context with the example of Dr. Penno.

Her Social Self was a huge professional success. But, mid-career, her Essential Self was missing something - a creative outlet, in line with a wonderful talent that was hard for her to acknowledge. When she contemplated taking her art seriously, the initial response of her Social Self was to cringe with concern that her dreams were foolish. It told her she should stick with being a physician (Hint: you'll often recognize the presence of your Social Self when it uses the language of "Should, must, have to, can't, shouldn't").

Fortunately, she recognized her Essential Self's desire and acted on it by seeking encouragement from someone with no investment in having her maintain her identity solely as a physician. 

She started sculpting regularly, transitioning from "a bit of a hobby" to committed student, sometimes flying long distances to take classes working in different media. She experienced palpable joy. She began to believe that her dream was possible.

The contract her Social Self made with her Essential Self was that, as soon as she had some pieces accepted into an art show, she could claim her new and additional identity as an artist. She claimed it today, in her message to me. Her Social Self had achieved the goal, in alignment with her Essential Self's deepest needs!

What I love about this story is how well it illustrates what can be accomplished if:

1. 1. You acknowledge the existence of your own needs, wishes and desires - your Essential Self.
2. 2. You give yourself permission to expand your identity.
3. 3. You let your Essential Self set the goals for the Social Self to accomplish (as Martha Beck says: Your Essential Self wants passionately to become a doctor; your Social Self struggles through organic chemistry and applies to medical school).
4. You harness all the talent, training, skill and drive of your Social Self in service of the needs, wishes and desires of Essential Self.
5. You believe!

Ellen's last words express so much about her experience -- "jump off that cliff". That is how scary it can feel, permitting your Essential Self to express itself, and then set the goals.

My hat's off to her for having the courage to believe in herself!

And because I am so enchanted by her work, I have a second photo for you to enjoy (the one up top is her beautiful glass tree wrapping its roots around a smooth rock).