Lessons in pausing - for the physician who wants a change

If you truly want to make a big change, you've got to learn to tolerate the "in-between" time. That's the period in which we let go of who we know ourselves to be in order to allow for the possibility of who we might become.
                         - Katherine Woodward Thomas

A former and very favorite client of mine shared this quotation with me yesterday and its truth really hit me. I have endured many "in-between" times in my life, and every one - even the baaaaad ones - has opened the way to a much better and more rewarding phase. Although I had no way of knowing that at the time of transition.

I love this image as it reminds of the stretch of road I had to walk (metaphorically) from the time I decided to make big simultaneous personal and professional changes in my life to the moment of discovering I had reached "my future".

I realized the gates had opened and there was no going back, and I couldn't see beyond the bend in the road. it was pretty frightening. Of course, had my vista been as tranquil and enchanting, I might have had more fun anticipating the inital part of the journey!

This is a little-spoken-about topic, namely that awkward, discomforting place between the no-longer-working old and the anticipated but scary new, and here are my thoughts. I also hope you will share some of yours!

It pays to know yourself. Much of my initial reflection during my in-between time was spent on trying to understand myself. What did I really want? What truly mattered to me? What did I want my life to count for?

This is not necessarily easy work for the more pragmatic and transactional people, who shy away from introspection. And it doesn't necessitate the "woo-woo" stuff. It does however call for clarity about how you want to spend your days and about what you find fulfilling.

It pays to have an intention. This is not a time to be wishy-washy. Confused - yes, hesitant - okay, scared - legit! But it's necessary to be fired up by an intention to get a result.

There is a saying "what you focus on expands" or as Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote "The only thing that grows is that which you give energy to." To dwell for a time in the "in between" place, you will benefit from setting an intention. Even if it is to be patient, or remain optimistic, or to trust yourself.

It pays to have a thought partner. Objectivity and insight can be elusive when you are in transition. The only company you are likely to have during this phase is the Inner Critic - a harsh or whiny self-critical fellow passenger. By seeking out someone who isn't inclined to solve everything for you, or tell you you're crazy, you will increase your toleration the uncertainty and ambiguity of your situation.

It pays to remind yourself this, too, is an adventure. When I lived and worked in rural Zimbabwe, one of my big thrills, and the source of indelible memories, was to go walking in the bush - with a skilled and well-armed tracker companion! What I loved most about the experience was the feeling of setting out without knowing whether we'd bump into an elephant, an impala herd, or a beautiful bird species around the next clump of thorn bushes. I was always filled with a mixture of both anticipation and adrenalin.

What lies ahead around that corner for you?

It pays to enjoy your own company. As much as I have loved having a thought partner in times of transition, I have come to appreciate the value and even wisdom of my own company.

During a particularly hard time, I walked on the beach for hours at a time and for many days a week. The waves lulled my anxiety and the setting sun halted my pacing long enough to reassure me that this too would pass...... as it did.