Are we losing sight of what really matters?
Monday, May 12, 2008 at 01:10PM 
I hope you moms had a special Mother's Day on Sunday. And if you aren't a mom, I hope you felt affection and appreciation for your own mom!
Personal confession: Mother's Day is a particularly poignant day for me as it used to be a day I dreaded. Until I had my own child rather late in life, I endured the day with a sense of shame and even anger that I hadn't become a mom, contrary to all my adolescent expectations and those of my family and friends from earlier times.
Now I cherish the day with a fierce joy and celebration that exceeds my almost-daily feeling of living a miracle.
The reason I'm sharing this highly personal experience is it aligns with an article I came across (thanks to Jeff Cornwall of The Entrepreneurial Mind) by Susan Brown in Tennessean.com, called "When it's all said and done, substance is far more fulfilling than style".
In questioning why we aren't happier than earlier generations despite our obvious material advantages, Brown writes:
"My generation has lost touch with what it means to be content. We equate contentment with home or bank account size. Are we content? I suppose we could ask the psychiatrists and counselors we regularly visit. Alternatively, maybe look at divorce statistics or observe declining church roles while noting increasing doctor visits for stress-related ailments. Maybe interview local pharmacists who increasingly fill prescriptions for sleep and stress disorders or ask a financial analyst to explain the reason behind the increasing debt ratios.
I wish I had clear-cut answers as to why our generation has taken a 180-degree turn from prior generations. Success is good, but a problem occurs when enough is not enough. Our nation is heading down a destructive road unless our values change. Bigger government is not the answer. A diamond's size does not make a lasting relationship. True beauty is not superficial. House size, career title or bank balance does not equal contentment."
Brown refers to values - a big favorite of mine. She calls out "values of yesteryear" such as family, sacrificial love, quality time and contentment.
To that I would add adventure, generosity, passion, creativity and mystery, amongst others.
Take a hard look at what is stressing you at present. Are your stresses a result of lack of style, or of substance?
- If they belong to the latter, how can you choose a life of greater substance?
- If the former, what are you willing to let go of fretting about? Where are you out of alignment with your core values?
For my part, I was blessed with a Mother's Day of substance, far from style. No jewels, flower arrangements or fancy dinner. Instead, it included a call to my mom in South Africa, a photo assemblage of my daughter's year since last Mother's Day lovingly created by my husband; a hand-dabbled Color-me-mine tea mug (replete with 5-year old paw print!) from my daughter with the assistance of our lovely au pair; a day on a foggy chilly beach spent running away from waves and rescuing stranded (dead) jelly fish; a rental movie, and takeout Chinese.
I could NOT have asked for more!
Reader Comments (4)
Great post! I've been labeling some of my posts "Rome/America" because many historians believe we are following a similar downward spiral as Rome. What's fascinating though is that compared to the past, we are well-aware that we're doing destructive things and yet we keep doing them. Smoking, obesity, pollution, global warming, the list goes on. There's very little incentive to change, and I love approaching the path to change from an economist's perspective.
Thanks for a substantial post!
Yet another thoughtful comment. Thank you!
Here is an interesting post on the psychology of why we postpone future good, despite our knowledge, for the gratification of our immediate needs. It may be a stretch to relate this post to your comment, but I think you will spot the association!
Why Your Future Self is an Emotional Mystery (http://www.spring.org.uk/2008/05/why-your-future-self-is-emotional.php)
Great post! As a psychologist who works exclusively with children and families, I find myself regularly "advising" parents to enjoy and connect with their children. Simple suggestions such as turn off the TV, have dinner together, fly a kite together all have greatly improved the behavior of many of the children I counsel. I'm glad you had a great Mother's Day! Mine involved a great hand print, too.....