Five tips for finding your fresh attitude for 2009

Didn't you get the sense, as 2008 was winding down, of being manipulated by the harsh daily press reports of doom and gloom? I certainly felt the pull.

There is something to be said for a New Year. A new leaf to turn over. A fresh start.

I had time to navel-gaze while on vacation in Mexico (one of the blessings of having your child reach the age of not needing constant mom-play!) and out of my musings came a few thoughts about how to develop and maintain resilience. (As a parent of a young child growing up in a privileged situation, I think about this topic a lot!)

Here they are:

1. Despite external challenges, you remain the same person inside.
   It's easy to feel panicky and foggy when everyone around you seems to have a long dour face. It's as if you're not normal if you aren't equally pessimistic. "You're out of touch.. get with it, man!" seems to be the message.
   But if you stop for a moment and think about it, you haven't changed inside. You still have your same knowledge, relationships, skills, ideas, dreams. Unless you have lost your home, it's likely you even still have the same "stuff" around you!
   I am still the same person inside AND I am also more awake. I can see that even if I were to avoid buying another piece of clothing, or a book, or an educational program for a long time, I have enough here to keep me going without repetition for at least six months! Most of us have plenty.
   
   
   
2. Your reality is how you choose to see and experience it.
   Reality is just a point of view. I'll resist being a philosophy wonk, and simply say that every situation can be viewed from at least two, if not many more, perspectives. In fact, we do an exercise called Perspectives in coaching, to provide relief from being "stuck in a bad situation".
   A dear friend died prematurely this last weekend. His sudden death was tragic, and it was also a revelation as to how much love he showed his family - he spoke to his four dispersed adult married kids every single day. And it was the best kind of death any of us could ever hope for - sudden death while resting with a beloved dog next to him on the bed, and while watching a football game.
   "And...and" is a much more freeing experience than "either...or"!
   
    
3. How you think becomes what you feel, and how you feel determines how you will, or won't, act.
   Your reactive thoughts that are triggered by a stimulus create how you feel (sad, angry, delighted, afraid) which in turn results in what actions you will or won't take.
   If some environmental stimulus (like a humongous drop in the stock market) brings on thoughts of scarcity (usually prompted from old infant and childhood experiences), then you are likely to feel afraid, resulting in ostrich head-burying, severe scurrying or avoidance behavior.
   On the other hand, if you know that you have always landed on your feet, and know deep inside you could get by on less (thoughts), you might feel calm or even some excitement (feelings) and begin to look for opportunity and challenge (actions).
   Don't give negative thoughts the power they are seeking.
   
   
   
4. Paying attention to your highest desires will shape the results you get.
   In keeping with #3, it makes sense that what you focus on happens. Or as Bhagavad-Gita wrote: "For one who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends. But for one who has failed to do so, the mind will be his greatest enemy".
   The only hard part is getting clear about your highest desires.
   
   
   
5. You are in charge of deciding what's possible in your life for 2009.
   We've moved beyond slavery, so no matter what your circumstances are, they have come about as a result of your choices -- the big ones, as well as the teeny almost inconsequential ones. This puts the power of choice squarely in your hands.
   What if what Somerset Maugham were right when he said: "If you refuse to accept anything but the best out of life, you very often get it"?
   What is your "best out of life"?

Are you ready for 2009?